COCOON. (english version.)

I am shutting up tightly, I am coming in. I am conning only sounds into ears from the music over the time. Not to want, not to think, not to see. He is like it to be in world of silence and the darkness? It is as it not can listen to sounds? Is it possible them to smell of the body? Is it possible to feel colours not seeing the lighting? To lose the rationality in the time and in the universe. Not to make choices, entries in nienazywalność. I am staying in the cocoon in order not to suffer. The isolation is creating repair for my soul. I will get rid of cracks on my glass cover, I will fill the emptiness created in me by you. I will infuse the cocoon only these emotions what will digest my mortality. To leave nothing after oneself, not to have marks on the body and the soul. Not to want already more. How to stay there for a long time? Desire for the brush-off of the corporality is so intense, that even making nasty things it isn't possible to leave after for oneself. To mortify? Pitiful in today's world. So the cocoon is my archipelago of the peace. I am letting nobody here. Of even you. The excess of the energy in it could destroy the peace for me. So I am waiting in the stillness, closed tightly to what will happen. My leather is tarnishing. She is becoming wrinkled and he is constricting. She is starting cracking on elbows and feet. She is peeling off, she is going down me slowly. I lie. It is as warmly as in the paradise. A wave of the non-existence is swinging me. Hands are tied like in the straitjacket. Legs drawn up to the head what is being induced in the bow to the middle. Opened buttocks, on which the skin already peeled off. Muscles are pale pink and they are waiting for the new cover. Heavy, but even breath. What will happen with this mimosa? What will she turn into? Of it I don't know. But I am aspiring to the transformation into the new corporality. Non-existence. Whom will I be, if I got rid of memories, and in the brain files of the memory erased themselves? Now will I become the bodily emptiness? And perhaps I will be able to play anew memory with the better program of the realization of dreams and the life? So, I am waiting. Time mercilessly slow. Lightly my transformation is heading. Metanoja of events. To feel the kaleidoscope. One after the other I am taking turns into essence of the body. It is liquid substance, gifted to conduct floods of associations. Able to transform in anything I will be willing. Yes, now I can in the semifluid state head into distant worlds, into unknown areas so far. I can see Europe during Ludwik's times and Antonia's M.. I can see ages, next rolled fights and buoys. I am getting to know some of forms. World can't see me, but I am observing it. I am participating in events of the great weight. I am listening to the speech what a long time ago went around into old world. I can see artists how they are creating work, what later enraptured world. How one's images are painting a picture, one after the other putting coats of paint. Now I am doing the jump and I am in the distant time. In the distant future. There is in the min. of living objects no. There are no plants and animals. There are no mountains, forests and oceans. It is a Non-existence. It is an ultimate time. Alone only a being, after all exists. He is a perfect prospect, a space united in the time. Here light recesses are missing, after all a multidimensional-ness forms it, incomprehensible in our setting. The light is the height. I can see every next of him particles. I am standing and I am looking, with eyes of the drag, I am blinking my eyes quickly, because this polar light is dazzling me. Shimmering colours. I feel them with oneself. I am feeling colours! Invited to the eternity I am staying here for a moment. I am smiling and I am taking my hat off. It is state from one's being perfect, it is performing the profession, good and at the same time strikingly dangerous. A cocoon is cracking. My harbour. My azylum. I am spilling from it. I am returning into flat, zero-dimensional world. I am waking up and I can see that the time passed more quickly than I thought. It is already an end of my life. In that case where did I spend them? In oneself, whether with you? Whether beside? I walked away too far. I cannot return. Because I don't want. To enter the cocoon I can each time, when I am willing. And to head into new areas, into world of the illusion and ultimate objects. For me it is given, like the right to the life and for the defence. I am filling this world of the emptiness up with experiencing the cocoon womb. There I am fine, I am feeling safe. The cocoon is a cover and with entering my world. The one is real. Only the one, in the cocoon.

END.

Cocoon. Pt 2

I have always been and I will be a defeat. Even if I don't know, what good did. I am not winning for myself with it of one's winning ticket. I will build nothing large, because weaklings are dying in darknesses of their ill ego. I cannot laugh for effect, I cannot cry on cue. My entire acting is a spontaneous game. And these are an amateurism and a claptrap. Therefore in masks I am playing my life. Because the bared face aches the most. So one should cease associations about happiness, at first to get rid of desires. Then to kill memories. Next already to feel nothing. Only how to make it? How to become indifferent? At one time I thought that it was a characteristic of heroes can admit to the weakness. Now I can see it differently. Of the underdogs it is more, nobody is mollycoddling them, he isn't caressing with words. There are no good associations with living for losers and happiness. It is a denial. And they are only winning few. For you what knew spite different to build joy and oneself. For you what received from life bargaining card. Whom are they? Do I know somebody? Is there a this sort of person by me? No, because they are holding from a distance from themselves of the ones of small comrades or slovens and nihilists. I so I am, with spoiled personage what already believes in nothing and for nobody. I am not watching how they live different, I am not peeping of world, I don't need lives with other people's life. I am too proud. I prefer my cocoon what feeling the safe haven is giving to me. In it to disappear, to wait out worst. For them I will leave to see, what new on world, I will take out at first one, and then the second leg. Protracting drowsily, I will wait for the dawn, or new living. A cocoon isn't an escape, no, this way I don't think. He is a corner of my mind. From where I arrived at this world. There were my beginning and the first awakening in it. I come from it. There is a road which we are calling the life then. We are in a hurry, because perhaps us to run short of the time and we are doing thousands of important and smaller things. And the time is flying. We will run short of it for associations: joys with the sex, of pain with forgiving and love. Both when in the end you are having a flash of insight, that a life is a moment and in a minute he will end, you are already on the edge przeżywania of human emotions. Excluded from the receipt of reality, from what he aches, from what is pushing me into the non-existence, I am wandering about thoughts after the time and the eternity. I am telling to emotions - no! I am telling to desires it is enough –! I am giving the will back into dominion to demons, what willingly they are destroying it and they will burn down completely. This way I am stripping myself of the change of the human coat. In order not to be immersed already in pain, sadness, the contempt. I am letting tie and throw into the emptiness the body so that it doesn't feel. It unintentionally is falling on your shoulders, bars, and you skilfully are facing them with the whip, behind the entire sarcasm and the Cynicism shown you. Beaten to the redness, will be assuaged and free from passion and desires. For him a cleanness of bonding together orgasm survived unintentionally as the warm, soothing energy at the bottom will only remain. It is only a moment of the flow of organic substances, yes, indeed important for everyone. For me and for you. Really is he giving us grimaces on the face and reddenings, or it in living so a lot? For these moments can we say goodbye to the person come to love and walk away? In order with somebody else then again to survive it alone? Is it a being of our being? Whether can love oneself thick it is biggest our desire? We are homo-orgasmicus. For raising good times, so much we would do. And for each other? I am settled in my weakness, I won't change it. However will you turn out to be the hero? ……Give advice?........

... for my husband....

I am greeting,

Suzanne Volter.